


The most powerful emotion and all I want, all I want is for it to go away, please

by Mad_Hatt3r



Category: Broadchurch
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23926882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Hatt3r/pseuds/Mad_Hatt3r
Summary: A quick one shot after the deleted scene when it has been Jocelyn’s mother’s funeral.
Relationships: Jocelyn Knight/Maggie Radcliffe
Comments: 9
Kudos: 91





	The most powerful emotion and all I want, all I want is for it to go away, please

**Author's Note:**

> So the only good thing about lockdown is time to catch up on all the TV series I’ve missed. So first one was Broadchurch. 
> 
> After delving on YouTube and watching the additional scenes I just had to write this. 
> 
> I can’t imagine there are many people who are still looking to read about these two, seeing as it was so long ago but I’m now brimming with ideas!
> 
> Song fic - Wicked Game - Ursine Vulpine ft Annaca

_  
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you _

Maggie firmly closes the front door behind her and allows herself to fall back against the aged wood, no longer having the energy to keep herself upright. Her head rocks back and she looks to the ceiling, willing the tears away that have been waiting to fall ever since Jocelyn walked away from her. 

“She was my mum, she was all I had and now she’s gone”

They repeat over and over in her head in a loop that she can’t escape from. It’s ridiculous she should now be reduced to feeling this bereft by a few words. How long she had stood outside waiting to see if Jocelyn would return she did not know. In the end, with her heart feeling as though it was breaking in two, she had left out of the back gate without saying goodbye.

_ It's strange what desire will make foolish people do _

In Jocelyn accepting the Latimer case Maggie had pulled her back into the real world. It was as clear as day she was thriving, being back in her beloved courtroom, figuring out the twists and turns in the complexities that had arisen with the case. It had been the perfect opportunity for Maggie to bring Jocelyn back into a life worth living, it had been too good of an opportunity to pass. No matter how cross Jocelyn had been in the beginning. Seeing her so invigorated had made a warmth spread in Maggie’s chest each time she looked into those piercing eyes. 

_ I never dreamed that I'd meet somebody like you _

She had missed her, missed her acerbic wit and dark humour. Their fierce debates neither of them frightened of expressing their true thoughts on any given subject. It had been nice to feel welcomed back at Jocelyn’s house, when for so long she had felt like an interfering busybody. 

It takes her back, oh more than fifteen years ago, to when they where firm friends. Back to when she had first looked at Jocelyn like she had hung the moon and stars, like she was the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. 

_ And I never dreamed that I'd lose somebody like you _

The heartbreak from all those years ago is returning in full force. Her chest is aching with it, her limbs feel heavy and all she wants to do is weep until there are no tears left. It’s like no time has passed and she’s finding out again for the first time that Jocelyn had fled to London after declaring their, well whatever it was, a mistake. They where kindred spirits she was certain, it had been a slap to the face when the cold hard truth had hit her. Jocelyn didn’t want her. 

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

She barely survived that first time, losing Jocelyn from her life had left a gaping wound that had taken a long time to heal. It had been a struggle for years not to walk up the cliff path and feel the sense of loss that used to settle deep into her stomach. Eventually she had moved on, nursed her bruised heart and wounded pride. With Jocelyn back in London and rarely venturing back to her hometown it had made it easier to separate her from her life. 

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

_ With you _

She had been so certain that it wouldn’t be an issue. Not now, not after fifteen years. Those feelings had gone, diminished over time becoming not even a distant memory. Too busy with her own life she had barely wondered over Jocelyn’s . Had only been slightly curious when she had first discovered she had moved back to Broadchurch, retired from the profession she adored. They had been cordial and polite when they had met and the faint pang of longing had stayed manageable. 

_ What a wicked game to play _

_ To make me feel this way _

Until now, its been growing, getting stronger even as she has fought hard to keep those feelings locked away tightly. Over the course of this bloody trial they have spent more and more time together and Maggie wants her, oh how she wants Jocelyn to hold her, kiss her, love her. 

_ What a wicked thing to do _

_ To let me dream of you _

It’s more crushing the second time around, how she doesn’t know but it’s the finality of the words spoken “She was all I had” as though Maggie is nothing. It has brought their relationship into startling clarity and Maggie just knows now that as soon as this trial is over Jocelyn will retreat and Maggie will be left bereft again. 

_ What a wicked thing to say _

_ You never felt this way _

Her knees give out and she slides down the door as the tears finally fall. She feels like a fool, a silly old fool, who should have known better. Stupidly she had let herself get carried away thinking the looks she had seen crossing Jocelyn’s face had mirrored her own. That it wasn’t just appreciation of a friend, that it had been adoration tinged with longing but now she knows that it was only her who had stupidly let those ridiculous notions back into her life. 

_ What a wicked thing to do _

_ To make me dream of you _

Rubbing at her eyes she lets out a choked sob. It isn’t fair, how is it fair that she’s had her heart broken twice by the same woman. She’s exhausted with it all, the sleepless nights, the dreams when she wakes up wet and wanting or the gnawing longing when she dreams of a life together for the rest of their days. How she wishes that Jocelyn felt the same way they would be happy she’s sure of it but now it’s nothing, nothing but a damned dream. 

Clutching her head in her hands she weeps uncontrollably, she needs this, needs tonight to cry it out so that she can walk back into that Courtroom tomorrow with her head held high. Back to being the dependable friend to her dear barrister. 

Her heart bleeds as she longs for peace. 

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

_ No, I don't wanna fall in love _

_ With you _

Song lyrics - Wicked Game by Ursine Vulpine ft Annaca 

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing :)


End file.
